As World Infertility Month shines a light on the one-in-six couples facing fertility challenges, we’re exploring the often-overlooked connection between emotional well-being, stress, and conception.
The appointment that changed everything came with a stack of test results and a devastating prognosis. Low AMH, sky-high FSH, poor egg quality and quantity—and the recommendation that would echo in her mind for months: donor eggs were her best option.
“Honestly? It felt like the floor dropped out from under me,” recalls Cara Lennan, now a fertility energetics coach based in New Zealand. “It was a slap of finality. But somewhere beneath the devastation, I thought: There has to be another way.”
That moment became a turning point—not just in Cara’s fertility journey, but in her understanding of how the mind, body, and nervous system work together in ways that traditional fertility medicine rarely addresses.
Read more: She Didn’t Bounce Back. She Lay Down.
The Piece No One Talks About
For many women navigating fertility challenges, the path forward can feel like a relentless checklist: track ovulation, time intercourse, take the supplements, follow the protocols. When that doesn’t work, escalate to more intensive interventions. Yet for all the medical precision, something crucial often goes unaddressed—what’s happening beneath the surface, in the quiet spaces between appointments and test results.
“It means your body responds to what you believe, how you feel, the pressure you’re carrying and the hidden programming that makes you move through life,” explains Cara, who discovered this connection through her own journey. “Emotional stress, suppressed grief, inner criticism, constant striving, self-imposed pressure and perfectionism—it all creates resistance in the body.”
After her own diagnosis, Cara had all the protocols, the supplements, the specialists—but still no baby. “My body was following the rulebook, but my energy was screaming burnout. I was anxious, hyper-vigilant, and completely disconnected from my body—the very body that I expected to conceive, gestate and birth my baby.”
It wasn’t until she stopped obsessing over her fertility and started healing her stress patterns that something shifted. “When I finally stopped obsessing over my fertility and started healing my stress patterns, regulating my nervous system, and releasing the emotional pressure, my body responded. That was the missing piece no one had talked to me about.”
When Doing Everything Right Isn’t Enough
There’s a particular kind of woman who often finds herself in fertility clinics—smart, successful, capable. She’s the one who researches everything, follows every protocol, optimises every detail. She’s also the one who might be unknowingly working against herself.
“Most of my clients are incredibly smart, successful, capable women—but they’ve learned to survive by performing, proving, and pushing,” Cara observes. “And guess what? That survival strategy works—until it meets the fertility journey. Then it all starts to crack.”
The signs aren’t always obvious. You might not be having panic attacks or crushing anxiety. Instead, it might look like feeling “wired but tired”—exhausted but unable to truly rest. Or obsessing over timing and control. Being emotionally reactive or, conversely, feeling completely numb. The constant need to scroll, plan, fix—but never being able to just be.
“If you’ve lost your ability to just be, chances are you’re not in fertility mode—you’re in survival mode,” Cara explains.
The Biology of Burnout
When your body is constantly in protection mode, reproduction becomes a luxury it can’t afford. “When you’re chronically stressed, your body goes into protection mode—and reproduction is the first thing to go,” Cara explains. “Your brain downregulates hormones like estrogen and progesterone, blood flow to the reproductive organs decreases, ovulation can shut down, and even egg quality is impacted.”
It’s a cruel paradox—the harder you try, the more elusive conception becomes. “They’re doing everything… except slowing down long enough to listen to what their body actually needs,” Cara says of the women she works with. “That woman is likely running on survival energy—trying harder, controlling more, burning out in the process. Her nervous system is tight. Her energy is contracted.”
The Art of Slowing Down
The path back to balance doesn’t require a complete life overhaul. Sometimes the most powerful shifts start small:
Lie down and do nothing for five minutes. “No phone. No fixing. Just BE,” Cara suggests.
Breathe slowly into your belly with longer exhales than inhales.
Check in with your body once a day and remind yourself “I’m allowed to rest without losing progress.”
Move your body intuitively. Let it guide you.
Say no. Seriously—say it more often.
Slow down. “The way you walk, work, talk, drive—it’s all communicating urgency to your body. And urgency is the opposite of fertility.”
As Cara puts it: “The point isn’t to ‘hack’ stress. It’s to retrain your body to feel safe slowing down. Because once you learn to slow down, fertility has a chance to catch up.”
“Hope doesn’t have to look like positivity or faith – sometimes it’s just not giving up on yourself. If you’re still here, still searching, still reading this – you haven’t given up. And that means there’s still something inside you that believes. Let’s follow her.”
– Cara Lennan
A Story That Changes Everything
Among the women Cara has worked with, one story still gives her goosebumps. A client who had experienced miscarriage, received a low AMH diagnosis, and was told IVF was her only option. Two months into Cara’s program, she conceived naturally—at her best friend’s wedding, letting her hair down and not tracking a single thing.
“She told me, ‘I didn’t realise how much pressure I was carrying… until I let it go,'” Cara recalls. “That’s what this work does.”
For Those Who Need to Hear This
To women reading this who are deep in their fertility journeys, feeling lost and starting to lose hope, Cara offers this gentle truth: “Hope doesn’t have to look like positivity or faith—sometimes it’s just not giving up on yourself. If you’re still here, still searching, still reading this—you haven’t given up. And that means there’s still something inside you that believes. Let’s follow her.”
For those who are used to being in control but now feel completely powerless, Cara’s message is clear: “You’re not powerless—you’re just exhausted. Control was never safety—it was a strategy. Your power isn’t in tracking more or trying harder. It’s in learning to trust your body again.”
Healing Beyond the Positive Test
For Cara, healing extends far beyond achieving pregnancy. “To me, healing isn’t a checkbox or a finish line—and it’s definitely not something you do once and never touch again. It’s a process of learning how to meet yourself differently when life feels hard.”
Her own fertility journey was just the beginning. Now, as a mother of two boys, she continues to use the same nervous system regulation tools that helped her conceive. “I’m still wired to push—that old hustle energy doesn’t just disappear. I can absolutely get caught in the busyness, the overthinking, the constant doing. But now I catch it so much faster.”
Her daily practice might look like gentle movement, five minutes lying on the floor with her legs up the wall, or simply stepping outside with her morning tea. “I don’t regulate perfectly—but I regulate consciously. And that’s what keeps me grounded, even when life is full.”
A Different Kind of Conversation
As World Infertility Month draws attention to the complexities of fertility challenges, there’s a growing recognition that comprehensive care must address more than just reproductive organs in isolation.
“I wish they’d talk about what’s going on beneath the surface,” Cara reflects on her experience with fertility clinics. “I’ve had clients told they have ‘bad eggs’ without any discussion of how stress, trauma, or chronic overdrive could be impacting their results. There’s a gap in fertility care—and it’s the mind-body connection.”
For women navigating fertility challenges, the message is both gentle and empowering: you’re not broken, you’re not behind, and healing—in whatever form it takes for you—is possible. Sometimes the most profound transformations begin not with doing more, but with giving yourself permission to slow down, breathe deeply, and remember that your body is not your enemy.
As Cara reminds us: “That desire you have to be a mother? It’s there for a reason. Not all women feel it, but you do. And I believe with every part of me that if the desire is on your heart, it’s meant for you—and nothing meant for you can pass you by.”
In Her Own Words: An Honest Conversation with Cara Lennan
Can you take us back to the moment you were told your best option was egg donation- what was going through your mind at that time?
Honestly? It felt like the floor dropped out from under me. I was told I had low AMH, sky high FSH, and poor egg quality and quantity – and that donor eggs were my best option. It was a slap of finality. But somewhere beneath the devastation, I thought: There has to be another way.
I knew I couldn’t control my egg count – but I could take a hard look at how I was living, how my patterns were playing out, and driving myself into the ground. That moment was a turning point – not just in my fertility, but in how I related to my body and my worth.
What would you say to someone who’s on this journey and starting to lose hope?
“Hope doesn’t have to look like positivity or faith—sometimes it’s just not giving up on yourself. If you’re still here, still searching, still reading this—you haven’t given up. And that means there’s still something inside you that believes. Let’s follow her.”
How can someone tell if they’re living in ‘fight-or-flight’ without realising it?
“You feel wired but tired. You can’t sit still. You obsess over timing and control. You’re emotionally reactive or totally numb. You scroll, binge, plan, fix—but can’t rest. Your body’s ‘off,’ but you can’t explain why. If you’ve lost your ability to just be, chances are you’re not in fertility mode—you’re in survival mode.”
What does ‘healing’ mean to you, beyond just getting a positive pregnancy test?
“Healing isn’t a checkbox or a finish line—and it’s definitely not something you do once and never touch again. It’s a process of learning how to meet yourself differently when life feels hard. It’s the inner release, regulation, and reconnection that gives you more capacity. More trust… More authenticity… More grounded power—so you don’t have to live in survival mode, even when things feel intense.”
What are some of the common emotional or mental patterns you see affecting fertility?
Oh, where do we begin? Perfectionism, people-pleasing, over achieving, hyper-independence, emotional suppression, fear of failure, fear of hope. Most of my clients are incredibly smart, successful, capable women – but they’ve learned to survive by performing, proving, and pushing.
And guess what? That survival strategy works – until it meets the fertility journey. Then it all starts to crack.
Anything you wish more fertility clinics would include in conversations with patients?
Yes – I wish they’d talk about what’s going on beneath the surface. I’ve had clients told they have “bad eggs” without any discussion of how stress, trauma, or chronic overdrive could be impacting their results.
There’s a gap in fertility care – and it’s the mind-body connection. I wish more clinics partnered with coaches like me to close that gap and support the whole woman, not just her ovaries.
You often speak about trusting the timing of your journey. What would you say to someone who deeply desires a baby but is scared it might never happen?
“First – that desire you have to be a mother? It’s there for a reason. Not all women feel it, but you do. And I believe with every part of me that if the desire is on your heart, it’s meant for you – and nothing meant for you can pass you by.
We may not know the ‘how’ or the ‘when,’ but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. I’ve worked with so many women who were told it would never happen for them – and it did, in the most unexpected, perfect-for-them way.
So if you’re in that space of fear or doubt right now, I want you to remember: you’re not broken. You’re not behind. You’re being prepared. And your path is unfolding – even if you can’t see how yet.”
For support with fertility challenges in New Zealand, consider reaching out to Fertility New Zealand or speaking with your GP about comprehensive fertility care options that include mental health support.
