We sit down with best-selling author, poet, and Christchurch mother, Jessica Urlichs, to explore her journey through motherhood and the inspiration behind her poignant poems that resonate with so many of us.
In this candid convo, we welcome Jessica Urlichs, a best-selling author and poet who has captivated readers with her heartfelt reflections on motherhood. A proud Christchurch mama, Jessica’s work beautifully weaves together her personal experiences and the universal challenges many parents face. Join us as we delve into her creative process, the inspirations behind her poignant verses, and how she balances her literary career with the joys and demands of family life.
Read more: We Chat to David Walliams: Unpacking His Whacky World Before the Christchurch Book Show
Exploring motherhood through poetry with Jessica Urlichs:
Your poetry has a beautiful way of capturing the essence of motherhood. Can you share the moment or experience that sparked your journey into writing about motherhood?
I have always loved poetry and expressing myself through writing, but there were years when I didn’t pick up a pen. It was not long after my second was born that I started writing again. I was in the throes of postpartum with two under two and the beautiful blur of the highs and lows felt much easier to process through writing.
If you had to describe your writing style using just three colours, what would they be and why?
Definitely not black and white! Ha.
The colours that come to me are blue, orange and beige. I think of warmth and sunrise, calm waters and also lows. I think of all the in-between and the mundane that later feels like magic.
As a Christchurch local, what are your family’s favourite spots to explore together? Any hidden gems you’d recommend for other parents looking to enjoy the city?
We always enjoy the library or a tram ride, we go to Sumner Beach on the way to visit Mum often, and we love a stroll through Riccarton Bush (I still call it Deans Bush). Sometimes I take Heidi to the play area at the Colombo and enjoy a coffee with a friend, or we head to our local Tumbletimes if we’re at a loose end. We keep it simple with places like the Botanic Gardens, if there is a nice area with a playground (and caffeine) we are there.
Motherhood is often a whirlwind! How do you find inspiration amidst the chaos of daily life? Are there specific routines or rituals that help you tap into your creativity?
Inspiration usually finds me in the chaos, which can make it very difficult to pen things down! I always pop little sentences or ideas into my notepad app if I get the chance, I will go through rhyming phases and when I am really tired I will usually write in free verse, something I have noticed! Most of my poems are written in the nursing chair or while feeding or late at night.
If you could only recommend one book (other than your own!) that captures the magic of parenting, what would it be and what makes it so special to you?
Motherkind by Zoe Blaskey, What Kind of Woman by Kate Baer, Mother Truths by Karen McMillan. This one has nothing to do with motherhood but I dug out ‘Laura’s Poems’ the other day from when I was a child, she illustrated her poems into a book from the ages of 6-9, it was such a trip down memory lane and I am sure a few Kiwis remember her!
Do you ever involve your children in your writing process? What does a “poetry playdate” look like in your home?
We haven’t done this yet but when I see a bit more interest in poetry they will have my full attention ha. The kids are very creative and my son has a love for story-telling, so we discuss stories at night time after we have read them.
What do you hope readers take away from your poetry? Is there a particular message or feeling you strive to convey about motherhood?
I want mothers (and fathers too) to feel seen through my words, this language is so universal but it can be hard to express the spectrum of emotions we go through as mothers; the highest of highs and some very real lows too. It’s cathartic to pen the thoughts down and it’s validating to be able to see yourself in them too. I want it to feel like a deep exhale and also a sense of being grounded in these fleeting seasons.
How does the stunning landscape of Canterbury influence your work? Are there particular places that spark your creativity?
Nature always helps clear my head and allow thoughts to come together, even if just on a walk, at the beach or on a scenic drive. One thing that always gets words flowing for me is water, looking at it or being in it. We don’t have a bath now but I came up with a lot of lines that I loved from my old bath, I miss it! When I was younger in writing class we would go to the little mound clearing surrounded by trees and write in there together, it’s such a dreamy way to focus.
Can you walk us through a typical day in your life? How do you balance being a poet, a parent, and everything in between?
It’s definitely challenging now with my youngest (our third) being a typical toddler and tearing the house down, she’s just been prescribed glasses so most of the time I’m by her side hoping she doesn’t rip them off (she’s snapped a pair already). There’s a lot of rushing about with places to be and things to do, naps on the go and the mental load, so I write less frequently at the moment. Like everything, this is another season, and I’m focusing on other things in my career and ensuring I have some time to be with my friends too. I just write when I feel called to, that’s always been the best way for me and probably why the emotion really comes through.
What’s one of your favourite family memories that you’ve captured in poetry? Can you share a little about the inspiration behind it?
This is an extract from my poem ‘The Ways I Will Know You’
I remember how expressions would stun you, surprise you.
I remember the first time you saw a dead monarch
butterfly; you were so little that you didn’t know about death,
you decided it was sick, you decided it needed its mummy.
It hurts, because though there is only one of you, there have
been so many of you in my life already.
I wouldn’t say this is a favourite memory or anything but it has certainly stuck with me, the beauty, empathy and sweet simplicity. Harry my eldest was two or so, and he pointed to a dead monarch butterfly in our veggie patch. I explained that sadly it had passed away, hoping I wouldn’t have to go into it all too much at that time, but he held onto my leg and after some contemplation, he told me it was sick and that it needed its mummy, he was very sad about the latter. He was upset about that for days, and I still think about it years later.
What’s your go-to activity in Christchurch that never fails to bring joy to your kids? How do you see that experience reflected in your poetry?
Always water! Pools, beaches or creeks just bring so much happiness. Waster is calming and cleansing, refreshing and reviving, it always sparks creativity. There is a piece of writing that went viral a while ago that starts off saying ‘Put them in water or take them outside’ when the kids are getting a bit irritable, and it works like a charm.
If you could write a poem for your children to read in the future, what would its theme be? What message do you want to pass on to them?
I am working on a little hardback book of verse that I want to gift to them, It would be one for even teens or adults to read. It just has little tidbits of wisdom, hope and love woven through it in rhyme for as they grow. That will be out in 2026 called ‘May You Always Know’. I think as we grow up many of us feel a sense of not knowing where we belong or who we are. We’re trying to fit in and find our place, growing and learning can be messy, and we make mistakes. One thing I always want my kids to feel is a sense of belonging not just here with us; their parents, but within themselves for who they are and what they stand for. To surround themselves with those who make them feel the most like them.
What everyday moments make you want to reach for your pen and paper? Is there a specific “mom moment” that always sparks your creativity?
I used to write a lot about sleep or the lack thereof! We did a lot of shushing and patting and lying next to the cot, we had some hard nights but we always felt it was right to be there with them when they needed us. So in my sleep-deprived state, I would jot things down, it was sort of weird to romanticise it because I didn’t actually feel at the time I was doing that, it was quite awful some nights if I’m honest! But reading back now I can see the magic in it. Nowadays I focus more on the perspective that helps ground you in the moments when you have less rested eyes, or short little stories about everyday interactions with the kids and their beautiful minds, kids make it easy to find the extra ordinary in the ordinary.
If you had to write a haiku about your life as a poet and a mother, what would it be?
I once planted seeds
Without instruction; just love
Now I grow gardens
If your poetry had a soundtrack, what songs or artists would be featured? Do you listen to music while you write, or do you prefer silence?
I love listening to music, and I pick apart song lyrics like a swiftie! But I don’t tend to listen to music that often when I write, though I can feel heavily inspired to write something after listening. I have a very eclectic taste in music, most days I’ll be dancing round the kitchen to my 90s hip hip & rnb playlist, but on other days when I am after some moody vibes… It might be Cat Powers, Thom York, Taylor Swift (folklore or evermore) Lana Del Rey, Tom Rosenthal, Zach Webb… it changes often!
What is your favourite poem that you’ve written, and what inspired it? What makes it special to you?
My favourite poem I have written is ‘Not Just’.
You are not ‘just’ anything
Not just a woman
Or just a friend
A wife
A partner
Or just a mother
You are a universe
Made up of waves that brought life
Stars that hold dreams
Landscapes of home
Rocks that will crumble but will always remain
The wind’s gentle sway, and strongest roar
You are someone’s ‘all’
And ‘all’ is not lost
You are a mother
But never, just.
It’s my favourite because it’s empowering, we often throw the word ‘just’ in there before telling people we stay home and look after the kids, as if it wasn’t the only job in the world that was irreplaceable. It seems to have resonated with lots of mothers around the world.
Raising children in today’s fast-paced world can be challenging. What unique joys and struggles do you encounter as a modern parent, and how do they influence your writing?
I feel like we are a lot busier these days, there just seems to be a lot more noise, and maybe more expectations (which we probably largely place on ourselves). I live a fast-paced life but often I wish we could just stop overcomplicating everything and slow down so we could soak in more.
How has writing helped you cope with your feelings around motherhood and anxiety? Is there a particular poem that acts as a form of therapy for you?
I wrote a poem called ‘Mothering In The Darkness’ after my third born, and it really helped me process how we emerge differently as mothers each time. East postpartum journey is different, and while I had done it twice before, the heartbreak I felt for missing my older two in those early days and parenting from couches over coffee tables or being in my room with the curtains drawn hearing laughter in the kitchen had something snap inside me. I also wrote about the gentle tenderness of being the only two awake together, those 2am moments where you lock eyes, it was a very raw piece of writing for me.
Do you think poetry can be a powerful tool for parents dealing with mental health challenges? How do you see your work contributing to that conversation?
Absolutely. Sometimes when I read a poem by someone else, even if it’s just one honest and beautiful line it will stay with me. If I can see myself in that line or if it clicks for me in some way it’s so healing. The ability to feel seen through someone else’s story is so powerful. It’s healing through connection, it’s permission to be vulnerable too.
How do you encourage open conversations about mental health with your children? Have any of your poems sparked these discussions at home?
Not my motherhood poems as such, but my book The Rainbow In My Heart was a great resource for them in the early years to express how they were feeling through colour and rhyme. Knowing it’s OK to feel things, we all do, and it makes us human. Understanding how we can communicate those feelings, how they make our body feel and why those feelings are needed are a big step to feeling confident in expressing yourself and being open. Something I really hope we can change with the generation we’re raising.
If you could read any poem from your collection to your kids, which one would it be, and what would you want them to take away from it?
Not a poem, but the book my children love is ‘Patrick & George’ at the moment, it’s all about exploring empathy through an engaging adventure between two best friends. My son asks me to read it to him most nights, at first I thought it was just him being nice (he’s quite the empath himself) but he is very intrigued by the metaphors and the concept of empathy and what being a good friend means. We’ve had some lovely chats from it.
Are there any themes or experiences you haven’t explored yet in your poetry but would like to? What excites you about writing them?
I have written a lot about postpartum, marriage after kids, newborn years, sleep and up to 6… it’s beyond that really that I am still yet to explore. I have written a few short pieces lately after some sweet interactions with my son, but they’re just small bits of prose about his beautifully inquisitive mind. As they grow older I find my style is changing, I’m always very mindful to share more from my experience, this is their life and their journey too and I want to be respectful of that.
In our tech-driven age, how do you find a balance between screen time and creativity for your kids? Do you ever incorporate technology into your writing process?
I tend to use the notepad on my phone, as I type this my husband is drawing a commission art on his iPad and I am on my laptop! Pen to paper is wonderful, it’s proven the signal from your brain through your arm into your fingertips is far more cathartic, but we live in a world where technology is here to stay and we have to move with it. There is a time and place for screens in our house, we’re ok with them but we set boundaries and times with them and it gives us time to get a few things done too. Sometimes they can get a bit restless after screentime claiming to be ‘bored’ when there are a million things for them to do, I do struggle with that, but I find if I can give them a little bit of my time even 5-10 minutes of it, it’s enough for them to do something themselves afterwards.
What is one piece of advice or a favourite line of poetry that has resonated with you during your toughest parenting days?
It’s a saying that went, ‘If you lost everything you have today and tomorrow you got it back, tomorrow would be the best day of your life.’ On the days when I am harder on myself or when I used to compare myself to another person’s highlight reel, I would think of this and remember that life is already good, so, so good.
Thank you for sharing your time with us, Jessica. We’re eagerly looking forward to your next collection of poems and books! Follow Jessica on Instagram here, and learn more about her books here.
Images provided by and credited to Jessica Urlichs.
